The Communication Kaleidoscope: The Beautiful Prism of Style & Understanding
Sometimes, like the glasses in the picture above, our desire to communicate well is shattered by how we perceive the other person, and in how the other person receives what we have to say. If you’ve ever been hurt by what someone said, or hurt someone unintentionally in what you said, then this article is for you.
Understanding your style of communication is not so that you can ask, or demand, others to communicate the way you would like them to speak. Rather it is for you to develop your own communication tool as mesmerizing as it is transformative: the Communication Kaleidoscope.
As a child you probably marveled at the ever-changing patterns of a kaleidoscope. In the same way, we too can be in awe of the myriad ways in which we and others communicate. Throughout our lives, without direction or guidance we default into particular ways of communicating. This is the Six Distinct styles that we have previously discussed.
As we become aware that there are other styles, it is up to us to develop, refine, and instinctively learn to harness each of the six styles of communication. It’s not because your style or my style is inherently better or worse. Rather, it is because you and I desire to be more effective communicators.
Perhaps we personally want to connect with our loved ones in ways that are deeply meaningful to them, or because we want to be successful as a sales marketing professional. Regardless it is because we understand the importance of meeting someone where they need to be met. Stephen Covey famously wrote in his book, “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People,” “Seek first to understand, then to be understood” Covey, S. R. (1989).
Each of these six distinct styles, like the vibrant shards inside a kaleidoscope, reflect and refract our messages, and depending on our sensitivity, awareness and use, our messaging will either resonate or shatter those we seek to connect with. How do you want to be perceived? Do you want to be heard?
It’s crucial to remember and understand that in our intricate dance of words, tones, and gestures, there are no right or wrong styles. Each person’s default communication style is the culmination of their experiences, upbringing, and inherent personality. Just as we cannot change the colors inside a kaleidoscope, we cannot alter the intrinsic communication style of another. Instead, our role is to adjust, to adapt, much like a chameleon seamlessly blending into its surroundings. If we want to be heard and understood, then our messages should be crafted with intensity, intent, and purpose, ensuring they resonate with the receiver’s unique style.
If we are offended by the manner in which someone receives or responds to our message, then we allow their failure to see and understand us to potentially drive a negative response within us. We should not view opposition to our message, or opposition from another person, as being intended personally until we have been able to strip away layers of misunderstanding created by a clash of style in communication. Sometimes, we want the same thing – we just cannot hear the other person because of how they choose to communicate.
You and I probably agree that effective communication is a critical cornerstone for both personal and professional success. Properly positioned, it can be the bridge that connects ideas, emotions, and intentions. However, wielding the power of communication styles should never be about manipulation. Surface-level integration of style, where the intent is merely to persuade without genuine understanding, is easy for most to catch. Our integrity in intention will come through non-verbally whether we want it to or not. Most hearers can sense this insincerity and will instinctively reject such messages.
True mastery lies in approaching communication with integrity. It’s about recognizing the unique style of the receiver and meeting them where they are, not where we want them to be. Mastery in communication makes sure that our messaging, while being aligned with our intent, is also put forward in a way that honestly and respectfully reflects the receiver’s perspective and understanding.
Do you remember the last time you held a kaleidoscope to your eye? Do you recall how it transformed the light coming in the tube into a mesmerizing array of patterns and colors?
So to, the Communication Kaleidoscope, which is our ability to understand different communication styles, transforms our messaging through the light of our focused and adjusted intention. By channeling the light of understanding through the prismatic lens of communication styles, we can illuminate the unique characteristics of our audience. This light, this understanding, ensures that our messages are not just heard but truly understood.
As we consider the Communication Kaleidoscope, please understand that this is not just another tool; it’s a philosophy to incorporate. It is a skill and an approach to learn and master. When you and I want understanding and to be received well, we sometimes allow the stress of intention, or the urgency of a situation, to push us into default mode. The Core Connect Blueprint is a framework designed to help you move past default mode, to depersonalize how someone is responding to you, and to allow you the gentle space to reflect and then respond how they need to hear you, and not instead how you feel the urge to respond.
Effective communication is about recognizing the beauty in diversity, the power in adaptability, and the magic in genuine connection. As we work through the intricate dance of human interaction in our various spheres of influence, let us purposefully harness the power of the Communication Kaleidoscope with intention. We are sure that you are like most, you just want to be certain that your message, like a beam of light, touches, illuminates, and transforms the hearts and minds of those you want to impact and connect with.
*Citation: Covey, S. R. (1989). The 7 habits of highly effective people: Powerful lessons in personal change. New York: Simon & Schuster.